Complaint Crusher Pillows

'Last guy that worked here did nothing but complain.'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

Man from refuse department says: 'We'll send you a new wheelie bin, Mrs Trubshaw, there's really no need to 'orchestrate a mass Twitter campaign'.'

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

The nurses here are so slow. Could this blanket be any thinner? The buttons on the tv remote are too darn small. Although her health had improved, Mabel's condition remained critical.

"I've got your letter in front of me now, sir."

Cast away in a life raft with Dr. Phil.

"Oh, can't complain, but I do."

'Oh quit griping and be thankful we even got a bonus this year!'

"I said FETCH! Not KVETCH!"

"Cable, my foot! Still snow on the TV!"

'It's Mr. Stebbins...he's getting back to you with a vengeance.'

'I thought I'd seen everything, and then my wife came up with tofu fajitas.'

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

Awkward customers.

"You have to follow the guidance on dealing with complaints precisely or else the shredder gets blocked."

Wal Max - Complaints Department

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

Ryanair refunds

"One more remark like that, lady, and you'll never get to see this show."

'The food's lousy! The water's too cold! The pond needs cleaning! You should feed us more often!'

"I heard you are charging a monthly fee for using your debit card, and I'm here to complain!"

Customer Service. I only handle complaints -- What you have is a beef?

Complaint clerk presses button to drop customer through trap door

"This vinegar's got lumps in it."

"I want to complain about how long I've had to queue to make my complaint."

'I know I can handle the complaint department. I've been married for 20 years.'

"I don't get it...my boss once said that he loves animals...just last week he called me 'the laziest dog he did ever see.' But yet he fired me..."

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

'Every complaint is a 'learning experience', now we're going to learn how to hide them behind the filing cabinet!'