Complaint Appreciation Pillows

"I'm just here to complain about the length of this line."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

In, Out, Complain.

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

"Waiter, there's a hair in my soup!"

'Someday we'll look back on this and think, ‘Why the hell didn't we sue?' '

Complaints departement for men and women.

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

Complaints clerk to consumer: A hair in your TV dinner? Maybe it belongs to a celebrity!

'I wish you would come to me first with your grievances, instead of going directly to the United Nations Committee on Human Rights.'

'Oh quit griping and be thankful we even got a bonus this year!'

'I thought I'd seen everything, and then my wife came up with tofu fajitas.'

Moanathon.

"Cable, my foot! Still snow on the TV!"

'I hate them too. Listen, would you like to go out sometime? Dinner maybe? We could complain about the service.'

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

'Hello, Room Service?'

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

Wine, Whine. Unwind.

"There's a grouch on my couch."

"My left buttock is noticeable larger than my right and my dog is missing his hind legs."

'How long do I have to sit like this? My neck is stiff, my arms ache. I've got pins and needles...'

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

"You have to follow the guidance on dealing with complaints precisely or else the shredder gets blocked."

"I think I speak for all of us."

Patience Tested While You Wait.

"One more remark like that, lady, and you'll never get to see this show."