Competitive Lover Prints

One-Up-Manship Valentine's Day

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

Tension filled the tent.

"I hope I get rock and you get scissors, or I get scissors and you get paper, or I get paper and you get rock."

'Upgrades? Yes, we've programmed it to excrete a few drops of water if it should lose a chess match. You know - tears.'

'He's been hiding out here for 20 years. Apparently, his buddies forgot to tell him the paintball tournament was over.'

Danth battle?

"Am I through to the next round?"

'You bought an F-14 equipped with an internal 20 mm vulcan gatling-type paintball gun? I think you might be taking this paintball thing a little too seriously!'

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

Al's Diner. Special: Spaghetti. All You Can Eat $3.95. Ernie, don't play with your food unless you're sure you can win.

Workplace Shinanigans

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

"Looks like somebody brought a blanky to a pillow fight."

The date was going well. She was better looking, but he was about to gain the nutritional edge.

The Cricketer and the Golfer

Office Competitions

"I know by outward standard I'm successful, but a voice inside my head keeps saying, 'Where's your private plane?"

'As your doctor, I'd strongly advise that you not laugh at your wife when you beat her at tennis!'

'What a control freak!'

Hat Wars.

"I quit."

'There goes Finley...turning pro.'

A report on one-upmanship in TV newscasts.

Pole jumper about to land on a giant whoopi cushion.

Captain Ahab and Moby Dick in Retirement

Rugby Mad.

'I won a prize for being the school swot. I killed more flies than anyone else.'

Most dog-like dog.

'This is doing your chances of winning the 'Golden Paper Clip' award no harm at all!'

"Rate your experience and you could win an Amazon gift voucher."

"I don't get it. If he's no faster than me, how come he always beats me?"

A Man mixing up his sports.

Later accounts would call it the Greatest Water Battle of All Time,

Oh, yeah? Well, my dad can reach a higher plane of consciousness than your dad!