Compensation Plan Connoisseur Pillows

'He's got quite a crazy new compensation plan! An honest day's work for an honest day's pay!'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"I think I need an extra pillow."

'The bigger they are... The harder they hit!'

'The service is so much better when you dress as royalty.'

"I hear you've a complaint about the eggs..."

S**t Threw a Goose

"After two years of dating, we decided it was finally time to move in together."

'I forgot the question.'

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

'I do my best work when I'm being paid a huge salary.'

"They must be having a two-for-one promotion tonight."

Man sleeping with newspaper at gentlemen's club

The Croucho Club

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

'This course is a great ego builder.'

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

'Actually, I was hoping for oversized with a graphite shaft'

"The salary is excellent and the benefits are outstanding. So... which would you prefer?"

Employee Benefits

'About this cv of yours...' - 'You can skip over the part about the potty training.'

'Hello front desk? There are a couple of little cooties on my pillow!'

"I've been to all his weddings."

'New! A bonus island of flavor!'

'The bad news is, during open enrollment we get to choose between our uncaring, inconvenient plan or another one that's just as bad or worse.'

"I'm not sure about children, but I've always wanted progeny."

"Dry sherry sir..?"

Petrol Prices: If you have to ask, you can't afford it.

Excess Baggage: For many of us, 'Roughing it' means staying at a hotel without room service.

'He's been visiting IKEA with someone else.'

"What do I have to do to get the bartender's attention? Set myself on fire?"

"Here's a blues number I wrote anout paying my dues with the cash back I got on my platinum card."