Community Dodger T-Shirts

"Oh look! Another crappy grant which requires my goddamned work interact with the f**king community!"

"It's been moved that we adjourn for an afternoon nap. Is there a second?"

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

"Summarise all that's been said. I wasn't listening."

"Hope you weren't planning on leaving early."

Church Basement Foodie

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

A breakthrough in the morning meeting

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

"We missed the meeting, but there might be a couple of the little muffins left."

'Miss Fenwick - I don't want to see anyone today!'

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

"Any yet he's always on my case."

"I cloned myself to take care of my Thanksgiving duties while I watch football in peace."

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

Also I don't like coffee, so I'll be working through my coffee breaks.

Election Cancelling Headphones

Jenkins won't be here today. He just called in healthy.

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

"If only you could do this in real life..."

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

'Let's just say, if you were meat, you'd be way past your 'best before' date!'

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

"You should have been here at eight!"

"If you wouldn't book hotels with such great amenities, I wouldn't miss so many seminars."

'His last words were 'Go Dodgers!''

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

"Myra's our creative director. She fabricates emergency situations for me when client meetings go on too long."

'Ms Ferguson, weasel me out of the 315 meeting.'

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

'I'm sorry, he's in a meeting. would you like his voice mail?'

"If they find out I'm a flight attendant pretend a heart attack so we can leave early."

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'