Communications Trainer Pillows

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

Lynching on social media

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

'How fast can you hype?'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

This Message Has No Content

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

Dialogue

Couples' therapy

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

'In my time, we didn't talk to a blackberry. We just ate the damn things!'

"Everything you say (or don't say) matters. Choose your words and intentions carefully."

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"....So called 'fake news' is dangerous to our democracy!"

Ruddy bloggers!

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

"Harold, you've changed."

Information...political rhetoric

'I want to discuss communication clarity.'

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

"Twitter is back! Hurry, hurry, get yer free speech here!"