Communications Specialist Pillows

'Nobody turned up to the 'effective communications' seminar...they didn't get our memo.'

Active listening, session 1 "I'm afraid turn out isn't as high as we'd hoped,three of them misheard the date,five got the time wrong and everyone in sales went to a hotel in Scarborough by mistake."

'We had a group think about implementing paradigm shifting re-prioritisations of our inward facing media strategy in order to enhance our communication with the average man on the street.'

"I'm afriad we had to cancel the 'perfect planning ' seminar. We forgot to book the hotel until it was to late and the speaker we hoped to use died in 1958."

GPC negotiators will only take on 'merited criticism'.

Chinese whispers: "This active listening workshop sounds useful!" "Why would I want to go to Worksop?"

"This active listening workshop sounds useful..." "Why would I want to go to Worksop?"

"We know nothing. We'll be back in five minutes with nothing more."

'We need a PR expert who can make heads or tails out of what I'm trying to say to the public.'

"Miss Duxbury, put me through to someone."

"Does she mean LOL funny or LOL strange?"

"This is pretty strong language, Mike. I trust you've got numbers to support it, and MOST importantly, to back-peddle away from it if we have to?"

No news is good news.

Evolution of Phones

Couple watches the news, seeing 'News, Fake News, Weather, and Sports'.

'It's an essential communications tool.'

'What a great web-inar presentation! How about an encore?'

"Unconfirmed reports suggest that there may have been a breakdown in communication."

'Great speech! But let's cut your carefully reasoned conclusion and insert an uplifting sports metaphor.'

Information...political rhetoric

'We need to strike the right tone between asking and deperately pleading in our alumni solicitation letters.'

'Do you want to watch the, 'everything's terrible' cable news or the 'everything's wonderful' cable news?'

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

'I want to discuss communication clarity.'

'I know! Let's hire a celebrity to deliver the bad news!'

'How dare you suggest that our phone system is out of date.'

'A young lady does not say 'Caw Caw', a young lady says, 'Hello, I'm a crow of quality'.'

'OK, who moved the photocopier?'

Messenger of the gods in the digital age.

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'In conclusion, the supplier who can repeat this phrase fastest with least mistakes wins the catering contract...'

'These days, it's hard to tell whom to trust - T.V. news, or your social network. . .'

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

'That's the latest communication technology...it's called the Smartstone.'

TV News is a Lie.