Communication Pro T-Shirts

"I'm not doing this if you're just coming keep disagreeing with me."

'When I pick my nose, it means I'm going to object.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

Trial by Media

Lynching on social media

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'How fast can you hype?'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

Inclusive speech

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"National security adviser"

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Create some buzz!

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

Gay Times...

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

Dialogue

If nobody had invented graphics

Couples' therapy

"Can you tell the oak tree to tell the birch tree to tell the elm tree I said hi?"

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

'Some of these trees have been here for 2000 years... and they still can't talk. Man, we're awesome!'

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

Changing Minds

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'