Communication Improver Pillows

"Do that thing where you leave."

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"The woman on the fire escape who acted like it was a balcony"

'Some of these trees have been here for 2000 years... and they still can't talk. Man, we're awesome!'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"Can you tell the oak tree to tell the birch tree to tell the elm tree I said hi?"

Letter Collecting Nerd

"'Original' to 'Carbon-Paper': Do you copy?"

'Let us pray...'

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

"Has anyone else noticed that the efficiency experts seem a little robotic?"

"Well, I've emailed, faxed, and phoned Dobson. Maybe I should just walk down the hall and talk to him..."

"Again, you may exercise your right to remain silent, but it's going to work against you since this is a job interview."

"Wow! That's some PowerPoint presentation."

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

The Horn of Unanswered Email

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

"That's his answer to everything!"

"Cancel my landline...are you crazy?"

"I need a more interactive you."

"You can't say that to a customer!"

'You know, she's right. It wouldn't kill you to do a little gathering every now and then.'

'David, can't you speak for yourself?'

"Great session, you guys - nice to see you both smiling again."

Post Office: Why Not E-Mail It?

When kissing a woman, try not to burp.

"We advised viewer discretion and they all decided not to watch."

"I was pretty highly respected until email came along."

"In closing, let me tell you that never in the universe have I spoken before such an attentive audience."

"The Doctor is just wonderful!! He listens to all my irrelevant, boring stories!"

"I may have waffled, but I never lip-synched."

'OK, let's start there. When did you first realize you weren't very compactible?'

Social Networks.

"You say you know at last where you made the wrong turn in your life. You never told me you made a wrong turn in your life."