Communication Encourager Pillows

'When you finally decided to communicate, neither of you said anything worth listening to?'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Couples' therapy

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"Harold, you've changed."

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

WHO checklist

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

Nothing to say! Wouldn't wanna hear about it anyway!

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

"Next time, dear, ask me first before you invite a friend over for dinner."

"Let me know when you get tired of berries. We'll work on your people skills."

Sports Radio in Crisis

This reader asks, "Dear Dr. Ernie, is it true that most people need to improve their listening skills?" Sure, I enjoy the glistening hills.

'She nitpicks all the time!'

"Stop referring to you and me as 'we'!"

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

'He has a very open mind. Everything goes in one ear and out the other.'

"Go ahead. Tell me your troubles. I promise to say 'Awww' in all the right places."

'Here's another email from a parent, written in lower case with no punctuation and seventeen spelling errors, demanding we do a better job of teaching social skills.'

Foundation for the Syntactically Challenged

"You keep everything bottled up inside."

"Miss. Wilcox, get me the coast."

"The elephant is in the OTHER room. I want to talk about the PENGUIN in the room."

'My programmer doesn't understand me.'

"Wait ... I always thought taking each other for granted was a good thing!"

'David, can't you speak for yourself?'

"Use your words, Jefferson! Not a roundhouse to the face!"

Warring parents

"We never talk about anything. 'Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me Tarzan, you Jane.' That's all he ever says."

"Of course I care about how you imagined I thought you perceived I wanted you to feel."

"Look, I'm not denying the validity of your grievances. I just think they'd be better addressed at home, Helen."