Commodity Broker T-Shirts

'Tharg, forget the wheel..Put everything you've got into something called fire.'

'I handle commodities and Dietrich here specialises in stocks and bonds.'

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

The day the stock market went UP.

The president's men

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

Sales chart is buildings in background.

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

"We structured the deal so it won't make any sense to you."

Economic Outlook Conference - 'Remember the seating is optimist, pessimist, optimist,...'

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

Day trading.

World Economic Crisis.

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

"Call my broker, fax my accountant, and get my groove back."

Why markets crash.

'For Harland, the only game in town is the bulls versus the bears...'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"You called me, boss?" "Yes, I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we’ve found." "I want you to stop doing that." "At least until I’m done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don’t need any competitors driving up the prices." "Very bad man." "When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing."

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

“It's $195 million. Now, I know what you're thinking: 'OK, what's the catch?'”

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

Matryoshka/ Russian Gas Cylinders

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

"I can remember when having a '212' phone number still meant something in this world."

'Remember, an economic boom is usually followed by an economic kaboom,'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.