Commitment Comic Enthusiast Pillows

'Well, he's the only boyfriend I didn't dump immediately. . . Stay on your toes, mister. The jury's still out.'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"Either that's Marmaduke with a lizard's head in front of us, or I really mixed up my meds."

Billy. The Kid.

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

"No flight of the Bumblebee"

'Being a superhero doesn't mean that everything about me is super you know!'

"He's a dedicated lifter, but he always skips leg day."

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

Spiro & Pusho and the Scavenger.

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"It's good you're avoiding radioactive pieces of your destroyed home planet that deprive you of your superpowers... but you should also watch the sodium."

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

Two grooms/wedding guests raise a glass.

'If I wasn't meant to destroy the world, God wouldn't have created me with atomic blasters instead of hands.'

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

The First Sentence Fragment: 'Hey, don't -'