Comically Late Lover Pillows

"Sorry, babe, runnin' late, start without me."

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

'Sorry I am late - have you been waiting long?'

Executive Tacos

"Memo from the top, guys. Apparently the 'casual dress days' are getting a little out of hand"

'Who's gonna tell her she's wearing two different shoes?'

"Okay, so the current occupants are being tormented by supernatural forces, but they do agree to pay closing costs."

'I'm afraid we only publish A list celebrity cookbooks.'

"How about fashionably never?"

'We rape, pillage and kill. THAT'S our corporate mission statement.'

"Isn't this more fun than spending money on dinner and a movie?"

'You can come out now, Harold. Economists say a recession won't happen.'

'I set the alarm to 96 years!'

I don't care if you did win the bloody X-Factor. You're dealing with the H-Factor here.

Late Night TV

"We're running late. Just pick a facial expression already."

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."

'I read where scientists say King Tut had a clubfoot and his parents may have bee siblings.'

"Take my wife...please!"

"So why do they call you Big Dog?"

"Agnes is so crushing on him."

Man spilling coffee and papers, looking like an awkward dance

Unreal Estate.

'Look, Mom. I'm belly dancing.'

Queen Ranavola of Madagascar executed any of her subjects who appeared in her dreams....

'My latest invention...the credit rock!'

"I've got nothing on for the next few months, do you fancy sex?"

"This one's different, mummy, he wants me for my brain."

Lovers Guide, "I can't get it in !"

"Done at last. Are you ready to head out?"

"Get undressed. Remove everything except the mask."

'The prisons are full, so I'll just have the city engineers tear up the street in front of your house.'