Comical Storyteller Pillows

"I didn't exactly win it."

"Can you believe we walked right past security?"

A discussion over a hunter's new horse.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'He was a handsome young prince when I married him.'

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

"#notguilty."

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

"Ever since the layoffs, I feel like we've been doing the work of twenty clowns."

'It was a dark and stormy night. Also, there was a Catch-22.'

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story."

Bull Pen

"Start with a Spanish doubloon. Those are always good."

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

Old Joe was determined to reach the summit as he'd left his false teeth up there last week!

Mother changing the words to 'this little piggy' to be more healthy

"‘How I Spent My Summer Vacation in a Freaking Gymnastics Camp and Nearly Broke My Neck,’ by Delia McConnell."

"A homeless person ate my homework."

"Whoops - I Accidentally Pressed 'Elevator Pitch.'"

'...in sickness or health, inflation or deflation,marriage tax credit or debit...'

'This is okay, but my ambition is to be an automatic teller.'