Comic Pillows

"Heelllllooooooo, Roswell!!"

'Why do they always pick on me...?'

"Obviously, if I have to explain the joke, it's not funny anymore..."

'For some reason they've nailed the mike to the floor.'

'I'm a Fringe performer.'

'What have I told you about laughing on purpose, Mother?'

Comedy Corner.

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

"Come on guys, my jokes aren't that bad!"

"You can't go on because you're 'feeling funny'? In your case it's so rare, make the most of it!"

"This next joke wasn't offensive last week...is today...will get me cancelled next week, and be funny again one day when people get over themselves."

Flop Blood

Comedy course highlights fake nose

'Just tell the joke - forget the mission statement about your commitment to humour.'

'I've gotta clean joke. You wanna hear it?'

"We heard you were dying in here."

"Well, of course all of my jokes are going to punch down."

Skipping Horse

"Hulk no can be mad at Mr. Puppy Face"

Grace For Flies

"Fish needs a bigger bowl."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

International Women's Day

'Look, you can only do so much!'

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

Batman at the Maternity Ward

"We only got six days of funding."

'Ahhh...'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"It's not the persistent lack of sunlight or freezing temperatures that bother me - it's the crowds I can't stand."

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"Either that's Marmaduke with a lizard's head in front of us, or I really mixed up my meds."

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"