Comic Pillows

"Heelllllooooooo, Roswell!!"

Woody Allen

'Why do they always pick on me...?'

"Any kids here tonight? Oh, wait... I guess not...since I didn't see any on the menu."

"Obviously, if I have to explain the joke, it's not funny anymore..."

'For some reason they've nailed the mike to the floor.'

The only time cats are known to laugh.

'I'm a Fringe performer.'

'What have I told you about laughing on purpose, Mother?'

Comedy Corner.

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

"Come on guys, my jokes aren't that bad!"

"You can't go on because you're 'feeling funny'? In your case it's so rare, make the most of it!"

"Your speech made the Wall Street Journal and Comedy Central."

Spike Milligan

"This next joke wasn't offensive last week...is today...will get me cancelled next week, and be funny again one day when people get over themselves."

Flop Blood

Comedy course highlights fake nose

Jim Carrey,

Peter Cook

Dawn French.

John Cleese.

Graham Norton.

'Just tell the joke - forget the mission statement about your commitment to humour.'

'I've gotta clean joke. You wanna hear it?'

'You said he wasn't a dirty comedian. This guy is filthy!'

Alan Carr

"We heard you were dying in here."

"Well, of course all of my jokes are going to punch down."

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

Skipping Horse

"Hulk no can be mad at Mr. Puppy Face"

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

"Fish needs a bigger bowl."

Grace For Flies