Comic Relief In The Office Gifts

'Sleep on your face again, Phil?'

"Barlow, it's come to my attention that you've called in, 'Playing Possum' 8 days this month."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

"Good boy, what a good boy. You're hired."

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

Tourist in the desert

"You're probably wondering why I called you. It's because I accidentally butt dialed you."

"When you promised me 'a set of wheels', I assumed a company car."

"You've been replaced by a new AI program, but we can keep you on until it's finished it's vacation."

Break Glass in Case of Stress

What do you think of the application so far?

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

"In order to raise some working capital, the company has sold your souls to the devil"

In and Out Trays

"I've had a tip off that someone on the team has been using email."

'He's not in now. This is his secwatawy.'

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

"Use your words, Jefferson! Not a roundhouse to the face!"

Frank was famous for his anti-inflammatory rhetoric.

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

"On the plus side, you're on the cover of all the major business publications."

'On Company Time: A Novel'

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time