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"I do enjoy group activities."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

"Yes, one is a dog."

Honest Vending

"Amateurs."

A knight sent to kill a dragon armed with a fly swatter

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

'Screen saver. . . or did his computer freeze again?'

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

Non Thought For The Day.

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

"It's tough to get him moving, but once he's going he never stops."

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

Occupy Budget Balancing

Polar bears

A skip full of fools.

Hedgehog holding sign saying 'the end is nigh' as man invents the wheel.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

"Dad, has there EVER been a time when James Corden was funny..?"

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"It was so depressing. When I go to the theatre, I want to be entertained."

This action stuff is okay, but try a romance or comedy next time.

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

'Cohiba is written on here with a Sharpie.'

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

Good News

Lane restricted to cars with three or more persons at least one of whom is a woman or visible minority.

The day that William Tell bought his first crossbow.

"Thank God your mother didn't live to see what you've become."

'I'm sorry, you just missed him. Call back in from 5 to 10 years.'