Comfy Couch Critic T-Shirts

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

"Bloody hell!"

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"All of a dither as per usual!"

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"China now says it will withdraw its opposition to the missile-defense shield if the F.B.I. builds it."

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

"I watched a Lassie marathon today and realized that I really need to step up my game."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

'-but surely it's unusual to have nightmares with COMMERCIALS?'

TV Watch(ing) Dog for sale.

Armchair quarterback/Armchair everything

"Still judging people on stuff you could never do?"

'If you want a reality check, I'll have to see two pieces of I. D.'

"Just sitting here widening. You?"

Emotional Baggage Handler

Exercise vs Laxative.

Eventual Motion Machine

"There's the remote!"

'You can't vote him off, dear - he's the newsreader'

"I can't wait till after the election when everything will be perfect."

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."