Comedy Seeker Gifts

"What if I told you that the thing you've been chasing your whole life... has been a part of you all along."

Slot machine.

"We can't agree on a size."

STRIP Hambone: Using Tippex on a monitor

"What's the next best medicine?"

Accident Free Days 14?3.

'Mrs. Cranley! You need to sign this HIPAA privacy form before the doctor can look at those warts on your stomach!'

'It's a postcard from your doctor. He says he'll be right with you.'

'How did you arrive at this price?' - 'Our computer has a new random generator.'

'Lately, I've been feeling old and worn down.' 'Time wounds all heels.'

'Hi, I'm calling to check to see if 'alien attack' is covered on my auto insurance...'

'That's the new budget team that came on board last week!'

"This year I resolve to embrace change."

'He was a physician, but because of all the difficult patients he gave it up and became a veterinarian.'

'Now I'm glad I sprained my ankle. The view from up here is beautiful.'

'I know we asked for a room with running water,but...'

Tennis Court - "How do you plead?"

'Sorry, but I can't tell you how I magically pop out of the hat: My contract has a non-disclosure clause...'

"Is this seat taken?"

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

'Fill it up, hold the cotton.'

'That's much better.'

'Do you realize we could be waiting in line at the restaurant by now, Patty?'

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

Fishing.

'You were meant to plant them not eat them, Jack.'

"It was one of the toughest divorce settlements he'd ever dealt with..."

Just a little seasoning...

'Rectal palpation, hell! I lost my thermometer!'

"I'm going to pull a seat number from this fish bowl and someone will have a very memorable night at the theater."

"Next time we're shopping at Wal-Mart."

'We never had all these labour-saving devices in my young day!'

Lost and Found sign: 'Out to Find.'

'Who's next'