Comedy Healthcare Buff Pillows

Medicare: More is Better!

'Wait a minute! Didn't I see you on 'Funniest Medical Bloopers and Blunders'?'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

'He's fine, it's only man flu not swine flu.'

There's Nothing Worse Than A Staff Infection

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

Robot surgery.

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

'It's important to treat all our patients as individuals...this for example is individual number 78/yh5-fg34c.'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

"If Doctor have time, after bringing dead back to life, Doctor fix Egor's hump?"

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

'I was a junior doctor when I started this shift.'

A medical office filing cabinet has drawer labels that read, 'X-Rays,' 'Lab Work,' and 'Exam Room Banter'

Admissions lady: 'I don't take care of myself like I should ... my negligence probably killed a guy once ... I'm secretly attracted to you ...'

He said he loved her for her brain but was her appendix he was always taking out.

'Looks like we could have a pandemic on our hands.'

"The good news is that your appendectomy op was a complete success"

"I'm putting you on a stronger placebo."

"When I said the surgery was minimally invasive I wasn't talking about your finances."

'It's me, Jack Gurkenman! I'm your ophthalmologist with the broken left ankle, doctor!'

'Have you got any hip-op?'

Out of hours GP service machine.

Nurse about surgeon juggling organs: 'I think Dr. Haywood could really use a sabbatical.'

"I've decided to be an organ donor."

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

"Sorry, Bob, those are the rules– you drop the kidney, you give them yours."

"Sergio, we don't have to spend so much money on health insurance."

'Frankly, the diet I'm putting you on will include things that you probably wouldn't consider 'food' as such.'

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

Lactose Intolerant Cow.