Comedy Fondler Pillows

'Uh, i'll pass.'

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

'This should be perfect. The main characters fall in love during a series of explosions.'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"Call me?"

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

Love is in the air...

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

Pole vaulter jumping Lover's Leap.

'Big date tonight, but I've just shed an antler: Do you have superglue?'

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

Salt and Pepper

"It's about time."

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.

'Hey, that one looks just like a visible mass of condensed water vapour floating in the atmosphere.'

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

Say it with flowers: It!

A Prickly Pair

Boyfriend of the Month.

" A lot of it is just legal mumbo-jumbo."

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

George Clooney Machine

'Don't worry, Alice. I won't leave you.'

What a gentleman imagines while he holds a door open.

"I never let my hair down on the first date."

I want to hold your hand

"So this is the Mr. Waring who has made such a great impression on my little girl."

I haven't been down there since last Valentine's day. I want to check on a couple who asked me to rekindle their romance. A year ago I told them that thanks to me they'd be spending more time together and less time at their offices. I said I'd make it so they'd have lots of nights at home ordering some take-out and watching a movie. They must be very happy with me. All I did was shoot an arrow of love, but apparently they think I caused some sort of pandemic to happen!