Comedy Film Aficionado T-Shirts

"Dang brother, that one lifted you right off the seat. Man, that's gotta hurt."

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Bond James, Bond."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Zombie standup

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

"His first out-of-body experience."

"What's a patent?"

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

Easter Island legs

Love at First Sight

"Cat box"

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

Dog Walking Services

"Of all the buildings I've designed, it's probably the most handsome."