Jerry Onion's dream has always been to be a stand-up comedian, but whenever he is on stage, the audience's reaction is not precisely the one he expected.
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Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'
US Immigration and Naturalization Service: If you're yearning to breath free...Get Out.
"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"
"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"
"We just watched a hypermovie!"
Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!
Applause. Clap clap bravo. Spring musical. Cats. You were terrific! Our little girl!
"When I grow up, I want to become president and eventually the subject of a groundbreaking, critically-acclaimed Broadway musical."
"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."
'Oh for heaven's sake, you're a cow. Just eat grass and be happy.'
"Me, as soon as I'm old enough, I'm out of here! I'll go and join my older brother: he's a beach bum in San Diego, California..."
'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'
"I never dreamed we'd migrate."
Reese Witherspoon
Giant using sheep as cotton buds
Canadian film production
Could you see anything in her? I certainly couldn't! (Man's eyes are popping out of his head).
"Ambitions... to open an office on Mars. Kennedy Space Center."
"We need to make it through at least one movie, so we have something to root for during the Oscars."
"You think you're a monster because you have poor self image."
The Life and Times of Miley Cyrus
'I still want to be a cowboy.'
'I considered running away, but since I'll probably be living at home until I'm 38, it's a bad career move.'
"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."
"Which part are you reading for?"
"Do you ever feel like you were meant for something else?"
"I dreamt we got a 'sorry you were out' card."
"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."
Marilyn's Rushmore
'What can you wish for?!... Oh, I don't know... Infinite wealth, beautiful women throwing themselves at your feet, fame and admiration, perhaps?... But, don't let me influence you.'
A man with Dwarfism is reading Little Women.
Beat Fatigue - Stay in Bed.
Zorro as a child.
'Never underestimate the value of pipe-dreams, my son.'
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