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Humpty-Dumpty the ten-part series

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Why do they do that?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

Bad fake tan day.

Giraffe Umbrella

A Fairytale Update

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

Vlad the Impala

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

"That'll be five bucks."

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

"Out damn Spot

Godzillla eating people using telephone poles as chopsticks.

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

"That is an outrageous slur."