Comedy Cynic T-Shirts

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

First we thought the apes would conquer the world...When in reality we've been busy mining the end of the world all along.

"I'll cross any ocean to fight for our country! I'll travel to the gates of hell to defend our rights!"

The Nihilist Deli.

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

"That script of yours - I've never read such a load of cliched second-rate crap...It'll make us rich..."

"...And since the cure is worse than the disease, we can make more money by developing a cure for that!"

Hare tells tortoise: 'Remembe the plan: on the final stretch, you go down.'

'You're King Kong? You look bigger in the movies.'

"Half full, or half empty? Do you want a positive spin, or a negative spin?"

Obama builds own gallows.

"But is it art ?"

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

"I'm not getting out of bed. What's the point? Things keep getting worse every day. Even my toothbrush depresses me... I'll just continue sleeping until the world comes to its senses." "Amen."

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

'Yes, I broke that campaign promise, but it was never NOTARIZED!'

"Ah, damn. Now I'll be triggered all morning."

Oink.

'Instead of the usual boring campaign speech, folks, I'm going to make some balloon animals!'

"The orgasms were real. But I faked the kids."

'I'm the same as you - too sick to go into work, but well enough to go shopping!'

This plaque commemorates the trees that was cut down to make space for this bench.

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

"MY dad says that a man calls himself a bachelor until he gets married. Then he calls himself a bl**dy fool."

'A conflict of interest? But that's my favorite kind of conflict.'

'Some words of wisdom son, crime does't pay. However...business crime does!'

"I'd better read the official view before I form an opinion."

If Kitschy Film Dialogues Were Really Realistic. . .

"You are gullible and naive. You believe untrained charlatans. You squander your money."

The power of positive thinking is born, followed immediately by the birth of the politely bemused, cynical retort.