Comedy Corner Lover Pillows

'I know you said this was a four star hotel, but I didn't expect to see them through a hole in my ceiling!'

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"Bond James, Bond."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Larry's used art

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

Showbiz Awards

Grace For Flies

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

6 Quarantine-Friendly Fashions

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

Director/Action Man toy.

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Why do they do that?"

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.