Comedy Concert-goers Pillows

"Okay babe - let's rock and roll."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"That'll be five bucks."

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

Standard & Poor

"He says he's sure this isn't Wildwood. Did you put batteries in the GPS?"

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

"I keep having these funny moods, doctor."

"Beer? I see you taught Roscoe to fetch?"

'It's a nicotine patch...I've been smoking too much.'

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

Yakety-Yak

Frank & Ernest. Signe Painted. Cosmetology Dept. That should be "cosmology"! Why do you always get those two confused? I always think the one about space should have an "et" in it.

"Don't go in there!!"

The return of the four sheepskins

The first case of resume padding.

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

An alternative theory as to why dinosaurs are extinct.

'According to this, you ate all the pies.'

'An this good luck charm is to commemorate when our turtle ran away. He's the one who took Jim's pinkie.'

"I'm sorry, but your child just isn't very sharp. But don't worry. It's perfectly natural."

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

"We don't use good and bad lists anymore. Now we have stupid, really stupid and completely nuts lists."