Comedy Club For Doctors Pillows

Doctor's poker.

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Now that we're into spring, we want to warn you that spring fever can be contagious..."

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

'Everything is going to be fine, Mrs.Witzer...'

"Which one goes down his bronchial tract and which one goes up his arse?"

'I tell them it's for a patient in the next room and they don't complain about their shot.'

'Snap out of it.'

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

"I think you're suffering from nostalgia, Mr. Prentice."

'Urology...can you hold?'

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

'You've got lot toe!'

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

An allergist sneezing

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet.

"First of all, where and what is a prostrate?"

"There are some things medical science cannot explain...like where the hell our health care system is heading."

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

"You can never run too many bone marrow tests."

"It's a very senior moment—he's dead."

"Cough"

'Every new neurosurgery intern has to make the joke about the patient having an 'open mind' but then they get over it.'

Prescriptions and Side-effects consultant.

"It's for his shakes."

Nil By Ear

Philosophy Class for Proctology Students

"Dr. Jenkins was too cheap to buy a state-of-the-art EHR system so he bought this at a public library auction instead."