Comedy Clinician Prints

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'

Please Tie Gown At Back Otherwise People Will Laugh At You.

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

'I have the treatment all figured out. It's the diagnosis that stumps me.'

Nil By Ear

'You've got lot toe!'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"Now that we're into spring, we want to warn you that spring fever can be contagious..."

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'A little more relaxant I think, nurse.'

There's Nothing Worse Than A Staff Infection

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

Robot surgery.

'You're giving me a flu-shot? Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-flu shot?'

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

'It's important to treat all our patients as individuals...this for example is individual number 78/yh5-fg34c.'

'Just another couple of pages.'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'I was a junior doctor when I started this shift.'

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

A medical office filing cabinet has drawer labels that read, 'X-Rays,' 'Lab Work,' and 'Exam Room Banter'

'Why do you people always wait a week or two before seeking medical help?