Comedy Clinic Prints

"So, you've got butterflies in your stomach, a bug in your ear and a bee in your bonnet. Any other complaints?"

'Gwen, I feel horrible! I may have to cancel tonight's set. . . The E.R. doctor was so impressed, he let me keep his stethoscope.'

"Now that we're into spring, we want to warn you that spring fever can be contagious..."

Zombie standup

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

'A little more relaxant I think, nurse.'

America's funniest election gaffes

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

'You're giving me a flu-shot? Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-flu shot?'

I'm a paralegal, it's like a flying doctor, only it's about law.

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

'They are boneless, I didn't say anything about beaks.'

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

'Ha, ha! But seriously folks...'

Off Off Off Off Broadway

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

'These are my 'golfing socks'... there's a hole in one!'

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

'Well, it's kind of an IV enema!'

Doctor's poker.

"And for all of us here at the six-o'clock news—and don't forget we'll be appearing Saturday night at Mr. Fun—make it a good one!"

'You've got lot toe!'

When Stupid People Get an Idea

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

The chefs were helping local actors who were tired of having short roles... by giving them a long loaf!

"I want to report a race crime.'

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

'Level with me, Doc — it's contagious, isn't it?'

"It's not you. It's pea."

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."