Comedy Cartoon Connoisseur Pillows

'This one here would probably be best for you; It prefers partial shade, needs little water and grows best in esoteric single-panel cartoons.'

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Assault 'n' Vinegar

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'He likes to power nap.'

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Night of the Latkes

Farm Humor.

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

Happy Hour

The Trojan Beagle.

The Snarky District

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

Emergency Phone.

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'Satchel, I have just had a revelation.'

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

"Oh boy charades! I love charades! Something big? Is it a bird? It's sharp! Behind? Above?"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'