Connoisseur Of Cartoons Pillows

"I'm looking for a long-distance relationship."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"Don't get strung out by the way I look, don't judge a book by its cover."

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

Lactose Intolerant

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

A caveman paints from life

Reagacentennial

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

Assault 'n' Vinegar

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"Quick, Lassie, go get I.T.!"

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

A cow poos down a hole.'UH-OH!'

"Sorry. I just find rotating my head helps me to relax during the test."

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"The Chicken: Just another body type that shouldn't be permitted to wear yoga pants."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

'It's an extinction notice.'

Love Conquers All

"Let's get ready to bumble!"

Here's the Weird Anti-Terrorist Trash Talk That Stayed on Donald Trump's Cutting Room Floor After the Manchester Attack

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

Trump leaving

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Don't make me warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."