Comedy Appreciator T-Shirts

"Right now I think the wisest strategy is to diversify among your mattresses."

'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

Dog Show: Great Dane Category.

Dream Small

"Stella, just...you know...come on, man."

"No Shakespeare, yet. But, they are churning out ten drug names a week."

Tree collapse...

"I'm sorry, but shouldn't there be an apostrophe in that?"

"Your MBA and PHD are impressive but what concerns me is your low number of Facebook friends."

Scuba Diver using laptop under water.

"I was against Russo-Disneyland from the start."

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"Does this toga make my gluteus look maximus?"

Man falling through sand timer.

'The only service I could give this would be a funeral service.'

'I believe we've located the cause of your back problem, Mrs. Kangaroo.'

'Time out! Fish on!'

"When does the improvement part of this improvement project kick in?"

"Yes, that's very clever Julie. But can we stick to the basics?"

'We should have bought the piano first, and built the igloo around it.'

MISSING! / a jigsaw puzzle sticking up a flyer to a pole regarding his missing piece

'Oh no! That's not litter! It's quicksand!!'

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."

'OK start her up!'

"Because of illness, the role of Mimi in tonight's performance will be sung by a temp."

'That's him! Third from the left!' - Easter Bunny's Troubled Youth

"John, the bees go on the outside."

"The good news is, charging stations could multiply rapidly. The bad news is, your electric car won't be an excuse to avoid road trips anymore."

'Yep, this model was recalled. But you're the first customer to bring back a used one.'

"This is nothing like the photo on Airbnb."

"I like these northern soul clubs but where do I put me whippet?"

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

Husband takes photos while wife tries to keep canoe from going over falls.

Spotted dog on phone: 'No, that's just the problem, Doctor. I'm not a dalmatian.'

'For cryin' out loud, will you get back into your body?! It's just a concussion.'