Comedically Inclined Musician Prints

'Here's one I didn't write... I never learned... and can't play.'

"To be or not to be."

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"Harold insists on doing all his own stunts."

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

Visual Gag: An about to be married Bride using a real train as a wedding gown train

"Any qualifications other than speaking the language."

No Instruments Please

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

"What fly?"

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

Jumble Sale

'Look, another Now Available store is opening! Maybe yo could get a job there. They seem to be opening stores all over town!'

"Alien life-form or not, those dishes won't wash themselves up!"

'Hey babe, I got two tickets to the gun show, you interested?'

Jeff makes some nice jugs.

The only way I can get through a nudist convention.

"You lick, I'll dry."

Clown Firing Squad.

'Oh george dear, the landlord has raised the rent!' 'Has he? I can't!'

"Just once, can we not talk about politics."

Rollercoaster police chase.

'I want a refund! It refuses to go into my son's room!!'

'One could make the ultimate industrial strength glue by cracking the formula of the goo on night club stages.'

'You told me I should run the house like a business, so what am I bid for dinner?'

"I got connections. We'll pull a few strings, get you out of here in no time"

'That's the last time I ask Janice to book the stripper for the office party.'

'You're the one who called for a locksmith?'

'Dr Phil sez, if I'm gittin' the milk for free, I should do the right thing and marry her!'

'Still saving money to finish that nose job eh?'