Comedically Concerned About Cost T-Shirts

"Surgery up here is free!"

"To be or not to be."

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"Doc, my arm is killing me, but I don't know how I can afford care. My deductible is through the roof and I just got laid off my job."

Elevator charge $1.00.

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

"Any qualifications other than speaking the language."

"What fly?"

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

'Look, another Now Available store is opening! Maybe yo could get a job there. They seem to be opening stores all over town!'

'And you say your face after you looked at the bill I sent you for your last visit.'

The only way I can get through a nudist convention.

'We'll have a bed for you in a couple of days.'

"Enough medical mumbo jumbo, just give it to me straight, Doc-will I ever be able to play piano again?"

'Oh george dear, the landlord has raised the rent!' 'Has he? I can't!'

Clown Firing Squad.

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"Well which do you think is more likely, your pillow is growing hair or you're losing yours?"

'You're the one who called for a locksmith?'

'That's the last time I ask Janice to book the stripper for the office party.'

"It's elective surgery. Shouldn't I get a discount for the time you save not dealing with insurance forms?"

'Aaaaaah! Kenny's fallen in! Don't make eye contact! Play dead, Kenny! Play dead!'

'Achoo! I can't believe I'm allergic to sand. I bet this doesn't end well...'

Pinocchio on a date: "Before this goes any further, you should know that I've got fungal rot."

'So far my grandfather's funeral has cost me £6000!... We buried him in a rented suit!'

'No appointments are available for the next three months, but you can always call in to the doctor's talk show.'

'Doc, before you jab it to me, what's the sticker price?'