Comedically Challenged Chef T-Shirts

"No, honey... I've just never known anyone to fix eggs in the toaster!"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"Do we really need the interactive garbage disposer?"

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

Alphabet soup

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

'..and one for the pot.'

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

'Guys, I think this is one of those 'let it go' moments in life when you have to relax and just trust the processor!'

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

'The two things you cook best are meatloaf and apple pie!... Which one is this?'

"Much of his cooking suffers from burn-out."

Noodle exchange program.

"She can't take any constructive criticism."

"Oh, how nice. You're just in time to cut the vegetables,"

'When it comes to our Boef flambe safety is paramount.'

"Omigod! It's the breakfast I made him for his birthday!"

'I'm a very busy man - this way I am able to hunt and cook at the same time.'

Beard helper

"Is there anyone here who specializes in stress management?"

"Well which do you think is more likely, your pillow is growing hair or you're losing yours?"

Frozen Fish

'I'll tell you what's for dinner if you'll promise not to laugh.'

Today's Special: Cream of Leftovers

'Blackened Fish: Cook until the smoke detector goes off.'

"Keep that recipe handy. The police might want it as evidence."

Boiling Point

'And none of yor deflationary wit - just attend to the bar-b-q-.'