Comedic Storytelling T-Shirts

'Does the suicide clause apply if he eats himself to death?'

"One reason for your incompatibility may be that you're each married to someone else!"

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

Double Saxophone

'Do you Duane, paternity suit notwithstanding, take Diane...'

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

"‘How I Spent My Summer Vacation in a Freaking Gymnastics Camp and Nearly Broke My Neck,’ by Delia McConnell."

Old Joe was determined to reach the summit as he'd left his false teeth up there last week!

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

'This is okay, but my ambition is to be an automatic teller.'

Andy's first airplane experience was marred by his grandmother's stinginess

'Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's is the fairest arse of all?'

'These, you realize, are just the high points....'

'When we get back this trip is going to need some embroidering.'

Furniture from hell.

'Got something! That baby's at least ten pounds. Can't wait to see it surface.'

"The first week back is always the hardest"

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

The Harold Pinter theatre...

'Please hold your applause until I've read all ten.'

'Some people never learn, do they? The guy I saved today I've saved twice already!'

"Well, if you haven't seen him, do you know a good recipe for puff pastry?"

"I understand she's marrying him for his condominium in Fort Lauderdale."

'I need the loan because I fell asleep on my psychiatrists couch.'

'I went window shopping today. I came home with four double glazed units!'

Fisherman Funneral

'I'll tell you what mister - I'll lose ten pounds and stop nagging, the same day you act your age, cleanup after yourself, cook your own food and get a brain in that fat head.'

I feel so blindsided. Laurel has a talking pet gerbil named Herbert. So? She wants to create a little family - the two of us, Herbert and Mortkey. On day, we're just two young lovers dating. The next: Boom! I'm cleaning Herbert's litter box.

"That's the man, Officer. That's Mr. Right!"

"The beginning of another urban legend."