Comedic Storytelling Pillows

'Does the suicide clause apply if he eats himself to death?'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

Double Saxophone

'Do you Duane, paternity suit notwithstanding, take Diane...'

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

Old Joe was determined to reach the summit as he'd left his false teeth up there last week!

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

"‘How I Spent My Summer Vacation in a Freaking Gymnastics Camp and Nearly Broke My Neck,’ by Delia McConnell."

'This is okay, but my ambition is to be an automatic teller.'

'Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's is the fairest arse of all?'

Andy's first airplane experience was marred by his grandmother's stinginess

'These, you realize, are just the high points....'

"The first week back is always the hardest"

'Please hold your applause until I've read all ten.'

Furniture from hell.

The Harold Pinter theatre...

'When we get back this trip is going to need some embroidering.'

'Got something! That baby's at least ten pounds. Can't wait to see it surface.'

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

'Some people never learn, do they? The guy I saved today I've saved twice already!'

"Well, if you haven't seen him, do you know a good recipe for puff pastry?"

"That's the man, Officer. That's Mr. Right!"

'I'll tell you what mister - I'll lose ten pounds and stop nagging, the same day you act your age, cleanup after yourself, cook your own food and get a brain in that fat head.'

"The beginning of another urban legend."

'I need the loan because I fell asleep on my psychiatrists couch.'

"I understand she's marrying him for his condominium in Fort Lauderdale."

Fisherman Funneral

'I went window shopping today. I came home with four double glazed units!'

"I should have realised she'd poisoned my dinner. It tasted much nicer than usual."

"Then one day he said, 'It's either me or the damned cat!'"