Comedic Relationship Analyst Mugs

"Honey, I'm home."

I don't mind you being the butch one in our relationship, but must you keep leaving the toilet seat up?

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

Awkward First Dates

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

Relationships.

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

"I'm ready to go whenever you're through fussing with tablescapes."

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"

"I've had you appraised."

"She's got money and he's a 'poet'."

"I miss the way it was when I thought you knew everything."

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

"Remember that lovely couple of scarlet macaws we met in Puerto Jiménez? They split up!"

'And that, in a nutshell, is why men don't understand women.'

"I need a more interactive you."

"You can't let the tick birds continue to define you."

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

"With Harry all options are on the table, including pointlessly looking for a job that doesn't exist for him anymore."

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

"Don't even think about it."