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'Mom, Dad...I'd like you to meet Fanny'

"Baldo, Gracie...you need to learn more Spanish. For the rest of the week, I'm going to speak nothing but Spanish, and Tia Carmen will act as your interpreter, OK? Tienen tarea?"

'They all laughed when I told them that I was going to marry a magician.'

Tiny Visions

"The blow drier is broken."

Wind shear - 81 st and Lex

'I was walking past the washers and dryers and one of my socks disappeared.'

'On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, how attached are you to the cat?'

"Sorry I'm late: I was hitching a ride but when the driver noticed me, he panicked and we had an accident..."

'I didn't recognize your old boyfriend at first. He's got a new car.'

Dog on skates.

'Since we were first married, I vowed I'd never let Jim see me slopping around in the mornings with my hair in curlers!'

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

"Is this your first time with an undercover cop?"

'Look, Mom. I'm belly dancing.'

"I brought popcorn..."

Foreigners in Paris - The great water displays at Versailles!

'Fang, what do you think the chances are that I'll marry that girl second from the end on 'Deal or No Deal'?'

Working from home

Look who's headed this way. It's Darlene. How do I look? Desperate and pathetic. She's engaged. She's not interested. You've got to move on. No way, she has to be here for a reason. This won't go well. One coffee to go. I do.

'To thumb a lift from this one mate, you must be tired of life!'

'One baby, one placenta, one umbilical cord...stock-taking never takes long in here.'

'He can do 'roll over' and 'beg,' but he does 'sit' best.'

"What makes you think I'm pregnant?"

"Now I'll read a selection from the book I have chosen. Sift a quarter cup of flour into a bowl. . ."

'Don't just stand there...get the camcorder!'

The Drinker.

Sale! Everything Must Go!

". . . And, Reggie, if you're willing to give me one more chance, I promise never to flirt with another man again!"

'The bad news is you've swallowed a bunch of those little, green plastic army soldiers. The good news is they all ended up in your GI tract.'

Fun run vs pitbull parade

'Mom, dad, we decided to save our money and live with you.'

'He's fine, fine, just recovering from a knockabout game of Ludo.'

"It's a bird! It's a plane!..."