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'The bad news is you've swallowed a bunch of those little, green plastic army soldiers. The good news is they all ended up in your GI tract.'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

Trumpeter swan meets trombone swan.

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

"Baldo, Gracie...you need to learn more Spanish. For the rest of the week, I'm going to speak nothing but Spanish, and Tia Carmen will act as your interpreter, OK? Tienen tarea?"

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

Wind shear - 81 st and Lex

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

'I was walking past the washers and dryers and one of my socks disappeared.'

"You heading south again this summer?"

"The computers are down. You'll just have to suffer and go outside and play."

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

'On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, how attached are you to the cat?'

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

'We were playing Twister at a party. . . there was a loud popping noise.'

"Any luck"

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

"It's your husband from beyond. He says stop trying to 'Google' him."

Son on the shoulders of Mum on the shoulders of Dad so he can feed a giraffe

MPs opt for longer surgery opening hours: Gp's have to be available when the public needs them... We won't be able to look at it until after the six week Christmas break!

No, thank you, I brought my own bag.

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'

Dog on skates.

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'

"I brought popcorn..."

"Is this your first time with an undercover cop?"

'Look, Mom. I'm belly dancing.'

Eskimo in Igloo

"What makes you think I'm pregnant?"

'Fang, what do you think the chances are that I'll marry that girl second from the end on 'Deal or No Deal'?'

"Baldo, this is Humberto...he moved to the United States last month?"