Comedic Health Consultant T-Shirts

'A good rule of thumb is never to eat anything that won't fit into your microwave.'

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

Caution. Slippery when wet.

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

'He's lookin' at me!'

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

A therapist reads to his patient from a joke book.

Al, you need to get over your childish desire for a pony. It's not childish, doctor. I only started wanting one last week.

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"5 second rule!"

You think you have feelings of worthlessness? You ought to see my portfolio!

'Hi Honey! I wanted to thank you for taking the baby to day care this morning!'

Flying Ear Specialist

REPORT CARD, 'This is going to be tough to spin.'

I told you to take the stairs instead of elevators. Taking escalators isn't meeting me halfway.

"If you had only listened to me when you were six and not eaten that dirt."

'I got the idea from a veterinarian friend of mine.'

With Friends Like These

'We offer counselling for customers with gearbox issues.'

'...You are on a waiting list to be ill.'

"Would you mind turning down your Walkman just a little!"

"We're still figuring out how to monetise him."

"Well, yes, high heels do often cause foot problems..."

"I was gonna try yoga, but I don't actually bend so that's not going to work."

"Since this whole COVID thing I've had to adjust my practice."

"Doctor! This is not the time for the 'pull my finger' gag!"

'I want a divorce, Lenny.'

'I do not think I'm a God. God like, yes. But not God.'

"Ashley wanted to play doctor, but I'm trying to stay out of the health care debate."

'You're not sucking. You're playing.'

'Al has vowed to climb the Food Pyramid...one mouthful at a time.'

NHS Downloads.