Comedic Grocery Gifter Gifts

"That's it?"

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

I like this one. Do you have it in blue?

Christmas Presents.

"Happy Birthday!"

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

"They weren't doing a two for one on moisturisers, low fat yogurt or muesli then!!"

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

'You'll grow into it!'

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

'I know you felt great after ten laps around the track, Mr. Fandella, but remember you were driving.'

"I still call it a custard tart but to be honest, it's a dairy free, soy fructose mix, with no nuts."

Why Shirley hates to eat genetic modified Broccoli.

'I don't mind you buying the camouflage suit at the mall, but did you have to wear it home.?

"You only get one chance to make a great exhaustion."

'Wow -- Grandpa's got an immobile phone!'

"I'm not sure. Maybe it's my wife's butt size I'm thinking of!"

"... And you said this was you and your husband's first time shopping at Costco?"

'The mice gave me this present. Lovely gesture.'

"What?! You wanted an Easter egg, and this is one!"

'Dear, if the GPS can't find your nutritional yeast flakes, how can I?'

"I was gonna try yoga, but I don't actually bend so that's not going to work."

'Whatever's the most durable. This is the fifth year it's been regifted.'

"It's not having seconds that's the problem. It's having fifths and sixths!"

"Careful lad, these cliffs can be treacherous following the picnic season."

Selecting teeth.. "I'll have those, please."

Grand Opening! I wish someone had told me those weren't for haircuts.

"I thought this would be the year I'd come for you, but I guess not. So I got you a birthday card instead!"

"I've had enough of this diet. It's costing me to eat less."

"Okay, so we're hunter gatherers. But must you keep singing, 'Here we go gathering nuts in May'?!"

"Instead of ordering something every day, I ordered it all at one time. I feel less guilty that way."

Diet.

'Calm down Harold, it's just a phase some teens go through. He just shaved his coloured feathers off to express his feminine side!'

'Al has vowed to climb the Food Pyramid...one mouthful at a time.'