Comedic Culinary Investigator T-Shirts

"Man, I just HATE these police grillings!"

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

Try to guess the continent dining...

"Number 2. Step forward please."

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

'Do you call this spaghetti'

Ordering Food At A French Restaurant.

'Do you want toast with that?'

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

'What?! Not even one of you wants to see how they're made?'

Turkey Autopsy

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

'Ooh girl, he may look like a potato, but he moves like a yam!'

'Guys, I think this is one of those 'let it go' moments in life when you have to relax and just trust the processor!'

"Are there any reports of illness at this table?"

"'Tofu'? Qu'est-ce que c'est 'tofu'?"

'There's something wrong with the slow cooker. I check it every minute but nothing's cooking!'

The History of Anti-stick

"Dumb ass, huh! Well there's more than one way to grill a thick sausage."

'I'm sorry, I can't reveal my sauce.'

'Don't give up Albert - one of these cans has to have tuna in it!'

"Well, if you haven't seen him, do you know a good recipe for puff pastry?"

'I know you're in a hurry, so I ran all the leftovers through the blender.'

Beard helper

'Add three eggs, a pinch of salt, two ounces of olive oil and the phone number of a local pizza in delivery in case this recipe doesn't work out.'

Why Shirley hates to eat genetic modified Broccoli.

'I'm a very busy man - this way I am able to hunt and cook at the same time.'