Comedic Culinary Critic T-Shirts

"Would you say the tuna salad kicks ass?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

View to the Future

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Is the MSG local?"

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Too much cilantro

Countervailing Clichés.

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"We've both made mistakes, Doug, but I consider the appetizers to be a thing of the past."

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Happy hour.

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"