Comedic Construction Gifts

Building Problem

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'Masonry robot, what are you doing?'

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'

Building a better America - Financing by The Bank of China.

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

"And nobody noticed the crease in the blueprint?"

Dave took his motto, 'Roofing done in one hour' seriously, even nailing shingles before plywood had been put down.

'Uh oh, I measured the lumber in feet, but you measured it in metric.'

"That's why safety boots are so important. . . you see? Eddie's feet have stayed perfectly dry."

'Ooops. Wonder if I can claim El Nino caused a surge in water pressure?'

"I think these may be counterfeit bolts."

"I knew you'd understand."

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

Fred began to understand why this kit house was so cheap.

'I just don't understand what the big deal is about kiln dried lumber.'

"It was going to be a high-rise office building. But after three bricks, they ran out of money."

"We had to put three screws in his neck and a steel plate in his head."

'As I always say, 'If at first you don't get a passing building inspection report, get mad and tear it up.''

Why you should never leave a sander alone in a locked room.

'Please Pardon the Inconvenience as we Remodel the ER.'

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

Builders build a property that has a crease in it like the design plan.

Builder follows an architect's blueprints exactly, including the smudges.

Joe's Tavern: Perfect Attendance

"I've designed the logo for your new social media app. It's a dirty laundry basket."

NASA realized too late that there was intelligent life on this newly discovered planet.

"The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on."

"Well, they were the low bidders."

Scaffolding being put together by glue.

"Lucky you were wearing your hard-hat!"

'Where would you like your Banksy, love?'

Builders bum

'That's not what I meant when I asked you to add a second bathroom, Roger.'

'I baked it especially for you.'