Comedic Commentator On Tech Culture Gifts

It's my turn to put you under electronic surveillance. Cops-n-Robbers-n-Identity Thieves-n-Corporate Investigators.

The cell phone soother for life.

Barcode on Ancient Greek Vase

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

Knight in armor is using his jousting pole as a selfie stick.

"You are still here."

"Blood pressure 210/140. Heart rate 185. Steps taken 29. Sedentary 9.5 hours. Calories burned 19. You da man! Oh, and you're out of pork rinds." "Our classics TV marathon featuring 'Gunsmoke' will continue after..." "The unfitbit"

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

"Lately, I've been trying to spend less time staring at the glowing orb."

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

'Trust me. Those shells have always been wireless.'

"I didn't know they made a 'Sitbit'"

I downloaded Thoreau's "Civil Disobedience" into it's memory, and now the "command" key isn't working.

"Hackers, Sire! They've broken through our firewall."

'Your car should run fine now. I reformatted the hard drive, increased the ram, scanned for viruses, updated the firmware, upgraded to this year's processor...'

STRIP Hambone: Humanoid computers

Elon Musk in fly me to the moon

Washroom Doors: Men, Women, Computer Whiz.

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

"What burns my bottom about www.dazoosucks.com is that we capitalized them."

The benefit of an old-fashioned newspaper.

Robot Robber

"When they said I'd been replaced by A.I. I'd imagined something more SOPHISTICATED!"

'Sorry, sweetie -- they're not that kind of cookies.'

21st century Safe Sex - protecting against face-recognition software.

"Sale. Save 100% of your energy by closing this website. Close now. No, thanks."

B2B.Com Pay Per View.

'Did you hear? We have a new slogan: Artisan-crafted wine made the old-world way.'

"Today, charges that Putin hacked Trump's tweets..."

"Re-calculating, arrive at your final destination in six...five...four..."

AI Summit

"Our records show that you unsubscribed to our company's e-newsletter. We need to have a little talk."

'By putting all our data into code, our competitors can't read it, our unathorized personnel can't read it, and I'm afraid, neither can we.'