Comedic Cleaners Pillows

Using a Snow Blower in Dorm Room.

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'They're right.polorized sunglasses do help you see better underwater.'

"But mom, all you said was 'get all your stuff up off the floor!' "

Caution. Slippery when wet.

'We're looking with someone with balls...not an enlarged prostate.'

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

'He's lookin' at me!'

"I've designed the logo for your new social media app. It's a dirty laundry basket."

A therapist reads to his patient from a joke book.

'You sure we can't afford another ladder?'

'Add three eggs, a pinch of salt, two ounces of olive oil and the phone number of a local pizza in delivery in case this recipe doesn't work out.'

'Hi Honey! I wanted to thank you for taking the baby to day care this morning!'

Mr. Clean Enough

Carpet cleaning

'I got the idea from a veterinarian friend of mine.'

"I never remember, do you brine before or after you get attached to him."

We were asked to insure them against poisoning their guests.

"Thank goodness I'm only renting."

"We're still figuring out how to monetise him."

Mom's Home-Deforested Cooking!

"Do you know what DFS stands for? Designed for Scratching."

Things my vacuum cleaner likes to suck up

"It's right when you think it's done, but it's not done, that it's most dangerous."

Cotton Buds.

"They didn't tell us this blues cruise actually gives you the blues."

Triple espresso, please. No caffeine for you, Uncle Mort. I am not your Uncle Mort. You know the doctors have said "no caffeine," Uncle Mort. I don't know what you're talking about. My name is Mr. Somewunneruther. "Mister Somewunneruther"? Yes. Of the Minnesota Somewunneruthers. We're a very old and respected family. We came over on the Sunflower. Mayflower!!! One gentle flower chamomile tea, coming up.

'You're not sucking. You're playing.'

'Calm down Harold, it's just a phase some teens go through. He just shaved his coloured feathers off to express his feminine side!'

'No, I did not visit merely to tweak your nose!'

"Here's to another Lag B'Omer of eating meat that is burnt on the outside and raw on the inside, with our faces blackened by smoke!"

'The other reason your soul feels so clean is become someone put too much laundry detergent in the washing machine, again...'