Comedic Cleaner Pillows

Things my vacuum cleaner likes to suck up

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'They're right.polorized sunglasses do help you see better underwater.'

"But mom, all you said was 'get all your stuff up off the floor!' "

"It's only until the gas prices go down and I can afford to drive the car again. Maybe you should have an ambulance follow me."

Caution. Slippery when wet.

'We're looking with someone with balls...not an enlarged prostate.'

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

'He's lookin' at me!'

"Whisky? Have you got anything stronger?"

'The pain in my head always seems to subside when I flush your bills down the toilet!'

"I guess I'll never understand women."

'You sure we can't afford another ladder?'

"Your resume says you specialize in field work."

'Hi Honey! I wanted to thank you for taking the baby to day care this morning!'

Mr. Clean Enough

Carpet cleaning

'I got the idea from a veterinarian friend of mine.'

"Clean your wallet, sir?"

"This internship is humiliating."

Baldo suggests getting a frying pan for his tia and she hits him in the head with it.

"Anesthesia? We'd prefer not to risk adding to the drug epidemic, so just bite down on this stick."

"Do you know what DFS stands for? Designed for Scratching."

"Don't leave! We haven't tried marriage yet!"

"We're still figuring out how to monetise him."

"I posted dozens of cat pictures on social media to meet women. Then one dated me and ran off with my cat."

"Thank goodness I'm only renting."

Using a Snow Blower in Dorm Room.

"Will you accept my master's card?"

'Isn't that kind - playing mine and Henry's tune on hold!'

Triple espresso, please. No caffeine for you, Uncle Mort. I am not your Uncle Mort. You know the doctors have said "no caffeine," Uncle Mort. I don't know what you're talking about. My name is Mr. Somewunneruther. "Mister Somewunneruther"? Yes. Of the Minnesota Somewunneruthers. We're a very old and respected family. We came over on the Sunflower. Mayflower!!! One gentle flower chamomile tea, coming up.

'I want just enough work done so I'll qualify for Handicapped Parking.'