Colosseum Comedian Pillows

'Relax...I heard our opponents today are huge pussies.'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

"Houston, we have a problem."

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

"Remember when we used to wonder if there other beings somewhere out there?"

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

"I've heard that seeing the earth from outer space can really change your perspective. I couldn't agree more."

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

'You caught it, you gut it!'

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

'Gravity...Go figure!'

"Stupid map ... that dot must cover 10,000 cubic light years."

"Admit it, we're lost."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

The Origins of Everything

Science fiction fans on other planets

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"I thought the cake came out awfully dense."

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

Shoot For The Moon

'Boy, does this ever shoot holes in the old Big Bang Theory!'

Alien flies in a spaceship out of a postbox.

Halo Frisbee.